Four daughters means four different relationships.

In Mike's last blog, he mentioned 'love languages.' Understanding how you, your partner, and your children feel loved is so valuable. How you love them may not be what they need. And vice versa.

Parenting and relationships take work. Sometimes spending too much time on one relationship causes others to suffer. Finding a balance can feel overwhelming. Finding time for everyone, including yourself, takes some organizing.

The other day I was playing a board game with Evynne, our youngest. Spending time together means so much to her. She doesn't like to be in her room alone. I appreciate that. But when there are 3 other girls in the house, it's hard to balance it all.

Camryn doesn't want the time Evynne does. What can I say; she's a teenager. She likes to spend time with me but having me tickle her back for 15 minutes means so much more than playing a board game. When I'm worried I'm not spending enough time with her, I'll ask if she wants her back tickled. To make sure she and I are connecting.

With Mike's girls, it's been more challenging finding opportunities to connect. The relationship they have with their dad comes first. I've tried to take a step back when they're here so they can have concentrated time with him. What I've realized over the years is Tori and Morgan want time with me as well. Not only their dad.

Tori is inquisitive. She has a mind that doesn't stop, and she loves to be around adults and adult conversations. She likes to hang out with her dad and I to see what we're chatting about. She isn't one for hugs and snuggles. Observing you in life is what she craves.

As for Morgan, she loves snuggles and time spent together. She values boxing in the basement with Mike or baking in the kitchen with me. She's very giving of herself. This shows in her relationship with Evynne.

So how do we balance all the relationships? It's hard. I'm not going to lie and say I've got it all figured out. While everyone has different 'love languages', one thing I know is that each child needs to get alone time with both Mike and I. We started a new idea recently. The goal was to create more opportunities for more one-on-one time. As the girls move further into their teenage years, that time will be so important. (I'll expand on the new 'idea' in a coming blog.)

It's the same reason we have family dinner nights when everyone is here. It helps strengthen the family dynamic. Our family learns and grows as a unit. Despite the multitude of relationships within.

Shannon, The Herdmother