ARE FATHERS IMPORTANT?
Before diving into my blog I wanted to wish a Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there.
When I was thinking about writing today's blog, I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach my topic; Are fathers important? And what is a father?
According to the world wide web, a father is:
a) a male parent
b) a man who has begotten a child
When I asked the internet Are fathers important, this is what came up:
Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child's emotional well-being (1).
AND
An involved father's impact is more than a few stories, notable quips and hard-earned lessons. Science proves he's worth more. Studies show children with involved fathers, stepdads or father figures are less likely to get in trouble with the law, tend to do better in school and are more likely to hold a job (2)
AND
Children from fatherless homes account for (3):
63% of youth suicides
90% of all homeless and runaway youths
85% of all children who exhibit behavioural disorders
71% of high school dropouts
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions
75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centres
So what am I getting at? Well, I think it's clear that fathers are important. More than that, they are essential.
When I separated from my children's father, our kids were young. The value of dad hadn't come to light. We all know the first few years of a child's life, mom usually takes the more essential role.
After our separation, for nearly four years, I was the only parent in my home. I disciplined, nurtured and cared for my girls 100% when they were in my care. I figured time spent with their dad was rounding out their need for a mom and a dad. Only after I was re-married did I understand the value of having that male figure in my home*. That masculine energy (and no, masculine energy isn't a bad thing) can't be compared to the feminine energy a mother brings to the table. Both are needed.
(*Regardless of whether or not you are in a two parent home or you are on this journey alone, it's important to have a male figure in your child's life.)
A mother and a father in a home help shape the future of children's relationships. They see and hear things more than we can imagine. Recently my bonus daughter told me she thinks my marriage to her dad is stronger than it's ever been. She isn't wrong. Mike and I are truly the most solid we've ever been. Lesson learned; don't be naive to the impression you are making on your children or what they observe. Watching mom and dad work through struggles in a marriage teaches children how they do and don't want their relationships to unfold in the years to come.
As a single mom, I thought I was doing a good job. And I was. But my abilities are limited. My disciplining needed some work, and it took having a dad around to parent with me for me to understand that. We each come with our strengths and weaknesses but also the lessons we teach our children. I couldn't imagine having been on this path without Mike for the past 6.5 years. As our girls continue to grow and experience their first romantic relationships, I'm grateful Mike is here with me to interrogate any future love interests. That is a role designated to a father!
So celebrate your dad today. Reach out and tell him how much you appreciate all he's done for you because fathers as so important.
Shannon, The Herdmother
(2) www.usatoday.com
(3) @virtuousmen, www.fatherhood.org
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