Traditions, Blended Family Vacations and Family Celebrations.
Traditions, vacations, and celebrations are a part of every family's unique dynamic. But what about blended families? It can be a challenge blending traditions while creating new ones. Here's a look at how Mike and I found ways to incorporate the old into our new family.
Traditions
I had no idea what being a single mom would be like. What did I know about doing it alone?
What I did know was that my daughters' needed to know they were each other's constant. No matter what, their sister would be there when I couldn't be. So my first year as a single parent I started a tradition and I called it Sisterhood Day.
I worried my children would feel a sense of loss without their dad during holidays. I wanted our house to be filled with joy and excitement, even if I didn't always feel that way. Creating a new tradition that was all about my children proved to be a good idea. I never would have imagined 4 years later, we would be adding 2 more sisters to our celebration.
Depending on when Easter falls, we celebrate this day in March or April. It doesn't matter when it happens but that it happens. Each year the day is a little different but the focus is always the same. Have fun and be grateful for the amazing sisters in your life.
I mention all this because sometimes we hang on to what used to be. Your children may remember traditions your pre-divorce family shared. It doesn't mean you need to wipe out all the old traditions, but it's equally valuable to make new ones. When Mike and his girls joined our family, our newly made traditions evolved. It's been 9 years since Sisterhood Day began and 6 years since Tori and Morgan joined the festivities.
Blended Family Vacations
Camryn, Evynne, and I have always taken a trip together each summer. Often my mom has joined but sometimes not. In the early stages of my relationship with Mike, I felt so guilty for wanting to have this time away with only my girls.
I have always treasured these trips and I panicked they would need to end. I didn't want Mike's girls to feel unloved or pushed aside. I shared my feelings with Mike. As much as I didn't want to hurt him, I knew I couldn't continue to feel torn between what I wanted and what I felt I should do. I knew I would unintentionally resent his daughters if I didn't communicate how I felt. Mike was understanding. Mike confessed he envied the trips I had taken with my girls in our early years. So a few years back we made the decision Mike would take his girls for a trip each year as well. He values that time to connect with Tori and Morgan as much as I do with Camryn and Evynne. It's ok to want to spend time with your family within the family. It's also important.
Of course, it's essential to take blended family vacations as well. As challenging as our schedules can be, we have made it a priority to go somewhere each year as one family. Not escaping the daily routines of home can feel boring and predictable. Our trips away have created new memories we reminisce about at the dinner table. Those types of "remember when" stories.
"Remember how for weeks we said we were going to The Lake. And when we finally got there Morgan said, "there's a lake here"? That was nearly 6 years ago and it still comes up all the time!
Family Celebrations
Keeping track of anniversaries, birthdays, and other annual celebrations can be overwhelming for any family. Our solution is a Family Celebration board. My mom first made me one but I have since made a bunch and updated ours to match our decor.
I've included family celebrations in this post for a reason. Ideally, you have a good relationship with all biological parents. But even if you don't we feel it's important to recognize them on your family board. As well as any other half or step-siblings that might exist or anyone else the children want to include.
Remember the children live there too. To make them truly feel a part of the home, the little things mean so much.
Through shared traditions, vacations, and celebrations, our bond as a family continues to grow stronger. Day after day, year after year.
Shannon,
The Herdmother
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