BLENDED OR BUST

Our blogs have mostly focused on successfully blending families or working through struggles or challenges we might have. But the reality of it is not all blended families work out the way you hoped. Not all blended families blend. There are often times when blended families have themselves broken apart. So how do we handle and manage those situations?

When we first began this blog, the idea of blended to me focused primarily on my immediate family. The relationship with my husband, his children and my children together. But more and more what Mike and I have realized is that blended encompasses so many different family dynamics and what it all looks like.

Growing up, Mike’s family was blended because there were three biological children and one adopted child in his family. My family growing up was blended because both my brother and I, not biologically related, were adopted as well.

Mike’s parents split up in his teen years, and his father got re-married to a woman who had two young kids. That became Mike's new blended family. Unfortunately, that marriage ended therefore that blended situation broke down. What happens to those relationships between step-siblings? Or relationships between extended family members that are impacted by these broken relationships? Do we try to maintain them or do we simply need to accept they've ended and move on?

It's difficult to know how to navigate it all. When do you work to keep relationships that are no longer serving you? How do you know when it's time to stop making a blended situation something it isn't?

I’m adopted however I found my birth parents as well. Efforts to blend with them and knowing if I was overstepping have all been challenges to overcome. At the end of the day, what you want doesn't always mean it's what others want as well. Sometimes when relationships become too painful, it's a good time to accept it for what it is, and perhaps the best choice of action is to walk away.

What I've come to realize is that relationships need to be functional and they need to work for everyone. If spending time with your blended family makes you feel good, then you should do it. If you always feel like you're on the outside looking in, maybe discontinuing certain relationships is the right answer. It's important to remember that your feelings about the situation don't necessarily translate into how others feel. When possible communicate your feelings. If you're not heard, then you've done everything you can.

There’s likely some kind of blended family situation in everyone’s family. Maybe not what you traditionally think blended means but then again what does the definition of family mean these days?

Shannon, The Herdmother