DEALING WITH THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE

We all know one. They could be a friend or a partner. They might be a tricky ex., a coworker, or even a boss. They might be your neighbor, a sibling, a parent, or an in-law. They might even show up one day as your kid. They're easy to spot, and for some, it feels impossible to ignore.

These are the people the universe was created to revolve around. They absolutely must be at the center of everything and the figure of worship. And if you dared to ask, they are never wrong, admired by all, and always come out on top of everything.

The Narcissist.

Narcissists' are blind to the ways of empathy because they are only able to see things in relation to the effect it has on them. Narcissists struggle to consider someone other than themselves. More often than not, they're not interested in something that doesn't have positive repercussions for them.

Living with a self-focused partner or dealing with a self-absorbed boss can be a struggle to live with. Like bullies (and often they are bullies) they often lack the inner confidence their behavior implies. They won't hesitate to put you down to build themselves up. They can be infuriatingly arrogant and have no true interest in listening to you. They believe they already know best, so why would they? You're the one that's supposed to be listening to them.

When dealing with the narcissist in your life remember this;

They aren't interested in what they can do for you, ONLY in what you can do for them.

A narcissist is more than a big personality. They need to be right. They will be more than happy to like you, but only if you help inflate their opinion of themselves and agree with everything they think, say, and do. Some people have an excessive ego but are capable of listening and can accept a difference of opinion. But the narcissist in your life is incapable of handling criticism of any kind. They'll take it personally and won't tolerate anyone with a different view or value.

So... how to deal with them? The first and best choice is complete avoidance altogether. But this isn't always realistic especially if your narcissist is a part of your daily routine. So for starters, it's in your best interest to be clear and unemotional. They don't give a shit about your emotions so don't bother troubling them with them.

Do your best to be explicit and to the point when dealing with them. Don't undermine your authority by saying things like "maybe" or "I wonder if" or "I feel that" and so on. What a narcissist hears is "I have no confidence". They'll jump all over that to make them think they have some confidence.

Most importantly, don't argue with them. They can't allow themselves to lose an argument so back off or avoid it altogether in the first place. Go about finding a cannier way to get what you want. If you can find a way that feeds their ego as well - that's the yellow brick road to getting them to cooperate.

Retaliation, either by insulting them or calling them out in front of others, or challenging their behavior is guaranteed failure. However right you think you are - and you just might be - in no way will they stand for it. Belittlement is their greatest fear. They'll get you back, and they'll win. It matters more to them than it ever did to you. As confident as they believe they are, they are obsessed with jealousy of the confidence displayed in a contender.

True narcissists are a puzzle to figure out and understand. Their self-focus is so strong that the lines between fact and fiction are blurred. They'll stop at nothing to preserve their perception of themselves as being supreme in success and power. Compared to the rest of us, they see themselves as unique, entitled, and superior. They bend the rules as they see fit, and they will settle for nothing less than special treatment and excessive flattery.

If you're close to one of these people, it can be a struggle to cope. Don't imagine you can change them because you can't. Protect yourself and hold on to your dignity and self-worth. Stand tall and silent in the fact you truly possess what it is they actually lack the most. Confidence.

Good Luck.

Mike - The Herdfather