FATHERS, YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE

In our blended family, there are many ways in which fatherhood ties into our story. I am a father to two daughters. For now, I am the only man that plays this role in their life. I am also the stepdad of my wife's two daughters, and they also have a strong relationship with their father. I have only ever known one father, but he is a stepdad to his wife's two daughters. My wife Shannon is adopted, and has a relationship with her biological dad but was raised by her late father, Rick, from the age of one.

The men above, all play or have played the role of male influence, protector as a father, and we also all share the bond of father and daughter. I'm a strong advocate and believe that the role of a father is an important one. Society today offers lots of options as to how a family unit can exist. The fact remains that children, boys and girls alike, need a positive, male, fatherly influence in their life.

The size of the hole left behind by an absent or deceased father or lack of father figure in a person's life is enormous. No offence to all the moms and examples of strong females in our children's lives, but certain things can only be given to a child by their father. Questions that only he can answer. As John Eldridge says, "Every boy wants to be a hero. He wants to be powerful, dangerous. He wants to know... Do I have what it takes? Every girl wants to believe that she is captivating and worth fighting for. She wants to know.., "Am I lovely?" They look to us, the men, the fathers, the most powerful men in their lives, to answer these questions. Without us, a child will painfully look in all of the wrong places to find that answer and, in turn, find acceptance and value.

What about children whose father isn't present? What about those children whose father passed on before they could establish a meaningful relationship? What about a household in which the role of "father" isn't a part of the marriage? These are all realities that can and do exist. But it doesn't quash the need for positive male influence and guidance in a child's life. I believe that every man is called to fatherhood in some form or another. No man is called to live his entire life simply for himself.

So my question to all the fathers out there is; are you aware of how important your existence is in your child's life? Are you aware of how much your children love and need you? Not the perfect version of you. Just you, flaws and all. It's both a beautiful realization and a sobering responsibility to understand your value when it comes to your kids. Believe and understand; they will NEVER be better off without you.

Maybe you've made some mistakes. Maybe some accountability, integrity and even rehabilitation are necessary on your end to make things right. Resilience in the face of adversity, whatever it may be, is one of the noblest and proving acts there are. Words are only words without the actions to back them up and make them tangible. Don't leave. Don't give up. Stay engaged. Stay present.

Fathers create strong foundations on which children build and establish beliefs and expectations. We teach boys how to be men, and we teach girls what to expect from men. We do this through the example of our relationships with our wives, our parents, our friends, in our homes, and, the communities we serve.

Equally important is to understand that YOU matter. Fathers are human too. They deserve love and respect and everything that comes with it. Your kids and your family benefit greatly from your presence and your efforts but don't deny yourself the same in return. Fatherhood is one the greatest, if not the greatest, appointments of men. And a loving family that respects you is its greatest reward.

The world needs fathers. Strong, willing, noble, resilient and fearless men. Men are responsible for leading and guiding future generations of boys and girls to become strong and respectable men and women. Men who continue to keep those men and women accountable. Modern-day warriors whose burden undoubtedly grows heavier as weak, selfish "men" opt-out of their responsibilities.

You are irreplaceable.

Mike - The Herdfather.