Follow Your Heart Within Your Boundaries
My last blog post on Thursday spoke about the unrealistic expectations I place on myself. But what about the expectations others place on you?
I remember one of the hardest things about my marriage ending was having to tell my parents. To start I had two young children, and I owned my own company. I knew my parents would question; how are you going to be a single mom and manage it all?
After I told my mom my marriage was over, wanting the best for me, I recall her saying: “what bank is going to give a single, self-employed mom a mortgage?”
What parent wants to see their child's marriage end in divorce? I knew I was disappointing my parents. My life wasn’t turning out as they had hoped. It wasn’t turning out as I had hoped either. Regardless of that, I forged ahead, and I knew the choice to leave my marriage was the right one.
When I started dating Mike, my parents met him only a few weeks later, at Christmas. Mike wasn’t the ‘typical kind of guy’ I was used to bringing to the dinner table, so he got some attention. Add the fact he had two daughters the same ages as mine, and all those concerned became a little more concerned.
But Mike proved himself. He proved not only is he a deeply loyal and giving man, but he is fiercely protective of all he considers his. My parents couldn’t deny this man was here to serve and protect their daughter and her children as well.
But Mike comes with children, and they have a mom as well. She plays a part in this as much as we do. I was raised a certain way by my parents. This has led to the expectations placed on me and how I raise my children. Let’s face it, how we are raised influences how we raise our kids. If there were certain expectations in the house you grew up in, chances are, there are some remnants of that in your current home.
The mother of my bonus children didn’t grow up the same way I did. The expectations or ideals I grew up with didn’t exist for her. I found trying to conform to my familial expectations and trying to manage my step kids not living by the same ideals became exhausting.
It came to making a choice. And what I understood was you can’t have kids growing up in the same home and living by different expectations. Under our roof, all the kids needed to live by the same set of standards or expectations. And those expectations need to be determined by Mike and I.
You’re likely to disappoint people in your life. People who want the best for you have an idea of what that looks like- for them. But when you create your vision, your path, you forget about everyone else and learn to live life.
It doesn't mean you love those in your life any less. You're just blending ideals and expectations as you blend families.
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