HOW TO DISCIPLINE A CHILD IN TWO HOMES?

I grew up in one home. I didn't experience divorce until I went through my own. I mention this because I have no idea what it would be like to grow up in two homes. For my kids, this is all they know. They don't remember a time when they didn't have to go back and forth.

As every child is different, going between homes affects them differently as well. Evynne, our youngest, is like a tornado. She comes in fast and leaves a disaster behind her.

Evynne has a creative mind. She's looking to the next project when she's halfway through what she's working on. The problem is she doesn't clean up her mess from the first project before moving on. Before you know it, you can look around the house, and there isn't a room that hasn't some trace of her in it. When you have five other people sharing a home, this can be frustrating. I will ask her to clean up her mess, but sometimes she doesn't do as I ask. If this happens on the day she's leaving to go to her dad's house, the mess never gets cleaned up.

The problem is, once she's gone, she's not coming back for five nights. And I'm not leaving the mess for that long so I clean it up. When she does come back, the mess is forgotten, so she's not learning to clean up after herself.

I've discussed this with her dad. The same thing happens over at his house. So how do you solve the problem?

For me- TAKE AWAY THE GUILT.

I feel guilty that my kids live in two homes. That life can't be easy. My life choices created this life for them and, for that, I internalize the blame.

I have to stop enabling her behavior. It's summer so we're never in a rush to get to her dad's. No more leaving the house without cleaning up the trail behind her. I need to refuse to leave the house until the mess is clean. I will tell her father to do the same thing if he wants. I'm not suggesting he has guilt, and that's why there's a mess left in his house. I just know I need to work on what's happening in our house.

I need to remind myself that living in two homes also has its benefits. This summer, my girls will be gone on holiday for about 21 nights. I work a job that doesn't allow me to take the whole summer off. Only 8 of those nights are with me. They'll be off on adventures with their dad the rest of the time. How great is that?

Let me know if you've had a hard time disciplining your child as they go between homes.

Shannon, The Herdmother