I'M PROUD OF YOU BUT YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF TOO.

In a world of likes, follows and, favourites, it's easy to get caught up in the approval of others. It's evident the role it plays in the self-confidence and mental health of society. Kids will even try to emulate something they aren't just for a hint of acceptance. The slope is a slippery one and, the best action against it starts within the four walls of the home.

I don't hesitate when it comes to praising the girls. Any achievement worth noting is received with the acknowledgment of a beaming father. It's heartfelt. It's honest and sincere. I pay attention to what it is I'm praising them for. A child loves knowing that in the eyes of a parent they did a job well done.

I'd say I'd done an effective job when it came to showing pride in my girls. I focused praise on notable actions that mattered. I was careful to walk that thin line of too much-too little. Too much praise and a child can become insufferably arrogant. Too little and, they feel bad.

When I met Shannon, she brought a new approach to the subject. More often than not, Shannon would say, "You should be very proud of yourself." It was evident that she too was proud, but she was emphasizing a feeling that already existed. If a child is excited to share an accomplishment it's because they feel good about it too. The key is to help the child understand their feelings and to make that feeling a guide in all they do.

It's one thing to explain to a child that they should take pride in their efforts and achievements. But what about the example they see in you? You can be confident and take pride in a job well done. But do you speak negatively or act shamefully when it doesn't go according to plan? The measure of a good loser has as much influence as the actions of a good winner. There's a lot of value in talking about the obstacles one overcame to achieve a goal. As in all things, the best example our children have is the one we set ourselves.

Not only are we proud of the girls in key moments, but we are proud for them. The practice that goes into a dance recital. The study that went into raising a grade. While the destination might be the focus, the journey to get there is equally important. Maybe they sacrificed time with friends to practice or hone their skills. Perhaps they had to overcome some early losses in a competition that taught them areas for improvement. When we express pride not only in their accomplishment but also recognize what they had to overcome in the process, they can see how long we have watched and how much attention we paid their efforts along the way.

What makes me most proud now is when the girls beat me to the punch. Hearing them say "I'm proud of myself" means so much more than what they accomplished. They've come to understand and recognize the rewards of their efforts. They've built confidence in themselves and learned a great deal about themselves as well. They take complete ownership in their achievement, and it's a great feeling seeing them feel pride in what they've done.

I'm always going to be a proud father. That's a given with being a parent. From that first art project to high school graduation, and beyond, there will be countless moments to beam over them and their victories. Even better will be witnessing the pride they take in themselves. That, to me, is where it counts.

Mike, The Herdfather