Recognizing the Stepmom who Steps Up

Mother's Day has once again come and gone.

Handmade Mother's Day Cards

Through it all, I sit back in amazement and reflect on the woman who is the stepmom to my two daughters. On the day that should be all about her, I often see her at her most selfless.

This beautiful woman knows the girls have a mom. She participates in helping them create something memorable for her. Not only on Mother's Day but birthdays and Christmas and so on. I've often wondered as a stepmom if she felt she had an angel and a devil sitting on her shoulders?

The angel on her left is encouraging and doesn't want to rock the boat. Yet the devil on her right is quick to remind her of all she does and that she deserves some recognition. She co-parents alongside me throughout the year. She helps with homework. She cooks family dinners. She put band-aids on cuts and cures headaches. She does pillow talks. She cuts and dyes their hair. She takes them shopping. She actively invests in their interests. She is a part of this family. She deserves to be recognized on Mother’s Day.

Being a stepmom wasn't easy for her in the beginning but she was quick and willing to accept her new role. My wife trusted me enough to open up about her challenges. She admitted she sometimes struggled with step-parenting. This was hard for me to process. It's not easy to hear your spouse admit they are having a hard time. It's natural to want to defend your kids in a situation like this. Many times, family members become trapped within their own emotions and obligations. (Ego and pride play a big role here too, be sure to keep that in check.)

Children don’t want to disappoint or hurt their biological parents. Spouses often find themselves stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. But it's important to hear your partner out and to validate their feelings. Feelings are still truly experienced even if they don't equate to the truth.

At the end of the day, what my wife wants (and deserves) is what we all want. To know she matters. To be heard and seen as a mother on Mother's Day isn't asking a lot.

She cares for her home and her family. She loves her step-daughters deeply as if they were her own. She lovingly does all the chores and duties that their mom would do. She's neither above them nor below them. She is a constant role model, encouraging them to grow as young women.

She recognizes she isn't a replacement for their mom. But she knows she is worth space in their hearts the same way she makes space for them. My wife is more than just a stepmom to those girls. She's a mom who stepped up.

Mike, The Herdfather