MOMS ARE IRREPLACEABLE

A couple of weeks ago, Mike spoke about Fathers being irreplaceable. I don't deny that. No one can take the place of the need for a male role model in a child's life. But there is no doubt mothers are equally as irreplaceable.

There's always a place for a mom in your life. Whether you're a newborn or an adult, we all yearn to be nurtured and loved unconditionally. We all know women tend to be more tender and nurturing. As moms, we spend our days constantly thinking and worrying about our kids. We are usually the ones to pick up the pieces when our child's broken heart is on the floor. Or the one who is first to run onto the soccer field when our child is hurt. A child needs this. They need to know someone is there for them, no matter what. It’s my experience that when we don’t have those people in our lives, we seek out connections to fill those gaps. But a mother is irreplaceable. I've always thought so.

So where do step-moms fit into all of this? When I became a step-mom, it was hard to figure out how to love my step-kids, and not over-step. I didn't want to replace anyone. I knew that wasn't possible, and why would I try? Their mom was their mom and always would be. She was irreplaceable. But I could still be a tender and nurturing caregiver when they were under my roof. Or could I? Is a step-mom allowed that opportunity? When mom isn't around, the step-mom does become the obvious choice for certain things. Figuring out how to balance it all can be challenging. And I would say it's an ongoing challenge.

At times I felt my step-daughters reject my demonstrations of affections. There was a time when we read stories in bed before some quality snuggles. As the years passed, it seemed they struggled with knowing whether my role as step-mom was making their mom more replaceable. And it wasn’t. It never could. But struggling to understand where we all fit into the matrix is hard enough for me to figure out. The kids have a harder job navigating through it all because they’re trying to figure out who they are on top of it all.

At the end of the day kids, just want to be loved. The more people who care for the well-being of a child, the better. But a mom is irreplaceable.

Shannon, The Herdmother