MY (RE-ESTABLISHED) JOURNEY TO (INTO) FAITH - PART 2

As promised, here is my side of the story, or part 2 of how faith found its way into our lives, our marriage and OurBlendedHerd. This isn't my first rodeo with God. I've been here a few times before and all of them were for the wrong reasons. I've been bucked off the horse almost as I soon as I got on it. As Shannon mentioned, I was raised through my childhood and into my teens in the Christian Reformed faith. For those unfamiliar with it, it's similar to a Protestant based belief but for me it was a "you're gonna love God and you're gonna like it" experience. I call this kind of following "God at gunpoint". Everyone is doing it, has been doing it, and will continue to be doing it because it is the only way we do it. Period. No more questions. The Westervelt family has always been very proud of their faith. It's one of our cornerstones. And for the longest time I very much felt like the black sheep because I never saw that it meant the same to me as it did to them. I didn't have the same connection with God that they did. Following my parents divorce when I was seventeen there was a lot of anger and confusion surrounding my opinion of faith and God. I knew I wasn't a "heart on fire" Christian but they all certainly seemed to be. Why did this happen to my family? If God was so much about love and mercy why did it feel like He didn't show it then? It was an experience that no one was prepared for. Not me, not my family, not even the church. Those who I expected to have the answers and fix this broken home couldn't do anything and just furthered my disappointment in something I was already struggling to find value in. Let's summarize the next 20+ years...

• struggles with self esteem and depression

• an endless string of empty and abusive relationships

• struggles with alcohol

• a failed marriage after only four months

• victim mentality mindset

• poor financial decisions

These are just a few examples and are in no way in chronological order. In fact, they more often than not overlapped each other. The one that stands out is the victim mentality mindset. The negative actions of people did me wrong and there's nothing I can do about it. Worse yet, GOD let this happen to me and there's nothing I can do about it. That was my belief. I owned no part of the negative events in my life and everyone, including God, was against me. My view of my hardships and my impression of the world around me was how I based my view on God. Now the humbling truth... God is, and always was, greater than my ego and my pride. And regardless of how much I projected my trials and tribulations as His fault, He was always there. Even if I wasn't ready or willing to receive Him. Some more humbling truth... sometimes when it all feels like it's coming down around us, God is trying to show us what we're made of. We just need to trust in Him. Shannon mentioned how over the last few months she's watched me go through a transformational shift. The pursuit of my new found desires and ambitions was escalating at a fever pace. But she could sense something was missing. So was I. She said it best when she said "faith in God had previously been such a large part of his life but never a huge part of his heart. I could see him struggling to find his path forward and faith kept showing up for him." It really did. So about that dinner where Shannon (out of the blue) tells me that she feels we need to follow faith in our marriage and in our family. Unbeknownst to her in that moment I had reached out to God about a week earlier with what felt like a last chance ultimatum. If He wanted me to follow Him, He would have to send the message in a way and through a person that made it impossible to question His will. Enter my wife's request. Add to that the greatest words a wife can empower her husband with - I expect you to lead us forward from here. Zechariah 1:3 tells us to return to the Lord that he may return to us. Job 22:23 says restoration is found in our return to the Almighty. The biggest struggle I’ve had so far is the false sense of shame - returning to faith after so much time and energy spent denying God. But much like the parable of the prodigal son, God the Father welcomes us back with open arms and shame is not of the Father. We've found what we truly believe in our hearts is our home church - The Summit Edmonton. That was another beautiful divine intervention as they just appeared on my Instagram feed. (without any algorithm persuasion)

I too am excited to share with you all where it is our faith takes us… God is so good. Mike, The Herdfather