NATURE VS. NURTURE

Which makes more of an impact when it comes to how we develop as people?

I’ve always been intrigued by genetics. Maybe because I’m adopted and growing up, I knew I didn’t share DNA with the people raising me. In university, I wrote a paper on the effects biological parents have on their adopted children. It was a fascinating paper to research. Studies showed twins separated at birth shared similar characteristics and mannerisms as their twin. Yet, the influence of their adopted family couldn’t be denied. So are we a product of our DNA or our environment? I think we’d all agree we’re both.

I first met my birth father over 24 years ago. There was no denying I was his child as we look a lot alike. I was intrigued that he and I share a similar sense of humour as well. Something which you can only find out after spending time together. How was part of my personality so much like someone I just met?

As my children have grown, I’ve looked to them as mini DNA units. I’ve picked them apart physically, and I’ve done the same to their personalities. Camryn has my body but her dad’s face. Evynne acts just like I did at her age. And so on.

But I don’t do this with my stepchildren. Sure I can look at Morgan and see she resembles her father, but I don't think about the nurture side of things. How I might be helping to shape who they are. Is it because we don't share DNA that I think they wouldn't share any of my personality traits? But let’s think back to the twin study. The families who raised them remarked how the children's personalities reflected their own. I know from my own experience, my mom (my adopted mom) and I share a lot of commonalities. Things that are no doubt learned behaviours rather than innately who I am.

So why would I think my bonus kids wouldn’t be anything like me? Or have taken on any piece of me as their own? That’s when I start to realize that I’ve had more influence on them than I think. Whether it's the way I say "Hi" that Morgan has adopted or the subjects Tori and I discuss which help shape her views of the world, being in their life has influenced who they are. We might not share DNA but, I didn't with the family I was raised in. Blended families really do come in all forms.

Ultimately who our children turn out to be is a mystery constantly unfolding. The people they meet and the experiences they have, along with their DNA, will result in who they become.

Do you see bits of yourself in your children? Both biological and bonus kids?

Shannon, The Herdmother