OVERLOOKING FLAWS STRENGTHENS YOUR MARRIAGE

We follow a marriage mentor on Instagram; @mskimberlywalton. Great content, and if you don't follow her, you really should be. She's also the founder and director of CherishedWives.com. Why I'm volunteering this shameless plug is because she recently put out a post. A post I read the very moment I was feeling rather annoyed with my wife.

It's only natural that my wife will annoy me from time to time. She's the person I spend the most time with. And that I will witness her in her not-so-perfect moments was understood from the moment I said: I do.

I'm not going to dump the dirty laundry details of this particular moment. It's between the two of us and like most annoyances, pretty small. Small because it was one fraction of a moment in time. A sliver in the total years that will make up our marriage. A moment that by comparison is completely overshadowed by her wonderful actions.

"If you are focused on all of your mate's faults you will miss their gifts."

I've come to accept that the moments that annoy me are simply that. Moments. I can and will become annoyed with my wife. I'm justified in feeling that way and have every right to discuss these feelings with her. She has every right to know. But it doesn't represent the big picture of who she is or what she means to me and me to her. I doubt she wakes up in the morning and determines which buttons she will press today.

I'm a firm believer in communication between a husband and a wife. It's a crucial core value, and you have to be able to do it for your marriage to be a successful one. But I also believe there are moments where it's ok to overlook your partner's faults. I'm not saying you need to be a pushover. I'm saying you need to know what hills are worth dying on. You're going to have confrontations being in a long-term relationship. But they don’t have to be constant. Decide which things are worth confronting and which are not. Is the issue something trivial or maybe something that is a habit of hers? If it is, it's wise for me to let it go. If it's something that causes hurt and issues between the two of us, I address it.

Another great reason to overlook faults in your partner is that you have them, too. It's of value to remember that you are not perfect either. When I get aggravated with my wife, I remind myself of the things she overlooks living with imperfect me. Grace extended equals grace received. Extending grace contributes to a happier relationship.

Nitpicking every little detail in each other is not healthy for your relationship. In truth, it can rip it to shreds. Again, ask yourself: Is this hill worth dying on? Maybe your partner is just having a bad day. We all have them. Try to focus on how willing they are to be understanding with you when you're the one having a bad day.

I love my wife. That should be motivation enough to overlook her flaws. I don’t want to hurt the person I love the most. There are times when I have to confront her about issues, but even then, I should do so lovingly. Everyday little things like forgetting something, or some other trivial nonsense, it's best to overlook these things. Remember the saying, true love is blind.

Instead of dwelling on faults, choose to focus on positive traits. What you focus on grows. Focusing on the negative will only grow the negative. You'll begin seeing more faults and will have more negative feelings about your relationship. But choosing to focus on your partner's qualities, you'll feel more positive about them and even more in love with them. Focusing on your partner's positive traits also makes them more likely to display those traits. I know if someone thinks I'm polite or kindhearted, I don’t want to disappoint them by not being that way. We want to measure up to what someone’s expectations are of us. So brag about your partner’s good behaviors instead of raising a fuss about their bad ones. Many faults and habits simply disappear over time.

What helps you to overlook your partner’s faults? How do you stay positive? Leave us a comment and like and share this post with others.

Mike - The Herdfather