PRESSING ON THROUGH DEPRESSION

With OurBlendedHerd, we wanted to empower the blended family community by sharing real-time views of our real life. We strive to cover the successes and the struggles of blended family living. Our past, our present, and most certainly our future. Marriage, parenting, co-parenting, step-parenting, family values, and so on. Truthfully, these stories and situations can exist in any family dynamic. Today's blog focuses on an important topic - depression.

I may be a little out of touch using the term 'depression'. By today's terms, we now refer to this as mental health or mental health awareness. In recent years, most certainly the last couple of them, mental health has been an escalating topic of concern. For many, if not all of us, the world has turned on its axis.

With school lockdowns and possible stresses at home, the welfare of children has suffered. Not being able to attend school has kept kids away from friends. These social circles and relationships are essential in a child's development, regardless of age or grade. Also critical is time spent with other authority figures such as teachers. It's understandable why isolating our children could lead to mental health issues. Combine this with the cold and the dark of winter (see seasonal affective disorder) and, it's the perfect recipe to overwhelm the mental health of so many.

I focus on this example of school lockdowns and children because I feel it played a role in the current mental health of my youngest, Morgan. Morgan is a normal teenage girl. She's cocky but confident. She contributes in her special way to our family conversations. She's a role model and influence to her younger step-sister Evynne and, she keeps us all laughing with her undeniable quirkiness.

I can't quite put my finger on it but, this past year, when in-class sessions resumed after a year of online learning, there was a shift in Morgan. She became more reserved and distanced when she was with us. Her appetite had noticeably diminished. She was often tired and unmotivated. Most of all, she was uncomfortable with larger crowds. Morgan is somewhat shy, to begin with, but could always handle herself in social environments,

Before writing this blog, I asked Morgan if she wanted to share her experience. It was a brave decision but, she realized her vulnerability could help others. In her own words...

My name is Morgan. I am thirteen years old. My cats are my favourite thing in the world. I spend half my time with my Mom and half with my Dad. Sometimes going back and forth between homes is stressful for me. Different people with different rules and personalities are sometimes hard to adjust to, just like my many different teachers at school. I know that I started feeling different in October but I'm not sure why. To describe how I feel I would say that I constantly feel mentally drained. It felt like I just woke up one day and began feeling this way. One of the biggest changes I noticed was that I have a hard time getting a good night's sleep. When I do sleep it's often restless and I wake up several times. Most of the time all I want to do is sit in my bed and be alone, both at my mom's and my dad's. Not sleeping and eating tend to make me feel diminutive. I know that my family worries about me and sometimes that makes me feel selfish. Selfish because I guess I feel I am putting stress on others because of my problems. Another thing like my Dad said I've lost interest in lots of activities I used to really enjoy. Activities like baking and foods class at school. Things that will make me happy depend on the mood I'm in. I feel comfort when I'm with my cats. I also enjoy it when my step-mom Shannon teases my Dad. That can really make me laugh sometimes. Sometimes I also like to help her. I like to spend time with my sisters but I also like to have some space. I know that Evynne looks up to me but sometimes she has the energy and atmosphere of fifteen people. That can feel crazy sometimes. I know that people say that talking about your problems helps but I don't always feel that way. The way I explained it to my Dad was it's like when he and Shannon tell us, girls, that they love us. No matter how many times they tell us that feeling will always be there. I feel the same way about my current feelings. No matter much I talk about it, it will still be there. I have moments where I can be honest and show some emotion and cry but then I tend to build my walls back up and give the impression that I'm ok. What I've found I need most in this is that I need space to be me and even though I want to appear tough I still want people to care about me at a level that I feel comfortable with. Maybe me sharing my feelings can help others understand how they or their children might be feeling or what they might be going through.

So as a dad, what can I do? What are some things that have helped?

1. Vitamin D. Huge for helping mood and very affective with seasonal affective disorder. Morgan agrees this has been helpful.

2. Also beneficial was a microwavable, huggable cat I got her. As simple as it is, this toy/stuffy provides warmth and comfort and helps when she misses her cats.

3. The biggest factor that has helped with Morgan has been to communicate but not push so hard that I push her away. She knows we know because we told her. There's no point in lying to her. We love her just the same and don't treat her any differently. We manage what we can here but respect boundaries by reading body language.

4. Last but not least, all the love in the world. In whatever way, I can show it. Be it time when she wants it or space when she doesn't. She's still a child and still wants to know they have a place and a purpose.

As parents, we want to protect our children from every issue and challenge they might face. The reality is we can't be there all the time. There are so many variables we can't anticipate or prepare for.

Morgan will always be our daughter and, whatever challenges or trials she goes through, she will never go through them alone.

Mike - the Herdfather