R-E-S-P-E-C-T, PUT IT IN YOUR FAMILY

My wife Shannon is an excellent buffer between my daughters and me. She often plays the role of the middleman (middlewoman?) and helps both parties see the light in a variety of situations. Most often, it's me she's dialing back into reality, and truth told, she's right for doing so.

I can be set in my ways - straight and narrow, tough love, this is the way it is. And when challenged, I haven't always been known to respond all nice and fluffy. I've gotten better. The fuse is a little bit longer. I have my wife to thank for that. And when I blow my top, and one of my girls gets caught in the blast radius, she's not afraid to let me know if and when it was just a tad too much.

I don't know what voodoo-mom-magic she possesses, but she has this uncanny ability to listen to them and get them to listen. From the sidelines, it appears her opinion is the one that matters most. Maybe not most, but enough that if they ask my permission, often they will ask for hers too. I've concluded this value as respect. Respect their stepmom has worked hard to achieve and receive.

I've filled the role of "dad" from day one. There hasn't been anyone else to fill that role in their lives. I'm not opposed to it. I've often thought it would be great if their mom found the stability and support I did and if the girls had another point of view from a positive male role model.

My girls have two role models in their lives when it comes to "mom". They naturally, without question, love their mom very much. No one is ever going to replace her. That is a relationship developed in the womb and nurtured over time. Mom will always be mom. But they love Shannon too. And this love did not come easy. We've touched on this topic in the past and will most likely blog about it more in the future. But the relationship between my daughters and my wife fills my cup. It's one thing that they love Shannon. It's so much more that they respect her.

My wife values our health. She's adequately educated on the topic and makes it a priority in our family. Rather than take a "because I said so" approach when explaining herself to the girls she makes the effort to explain why she feels the way she does. It encourages open conversations, and she meets challenges with open arms (and ears) and can communicate with them on their level. Even when they don't fully embrace her view she still leaves them feeling a sense of value, and they her. That value on more than one occasion has resulted in buy-in - you respect us so we respect you.

If the girls ask me for a snack, and I say yes, they will most likely ask Shannon afterward as well. Sometimes they will go straight to her. It's not a slight against me, and they aren't trying to play us against each other. They understand that what goes into them is a priority to her. They recognize her passion for their health and well-being. They respect her enough to seek her approval as well. They trust her opinion because she's earned it.

I've often placed respect on a pedestal just above love. Shannon and I are true to one another, not just because we love each other but because we respect each other. The same goes for the way we parent our children. Because we respect one another, we treat each other fairly.

When you think of it that way, respect becomes a pretty solid foundation on which to build a relationship and a family.

Respectfully,

Mike - The Herdfather