SHARING EXPERIENCES

This past week I had a chance to connect with an old friend from elementary school. The last time we saw each other, we were both newly divorced and single. At that time, we were able to share in the experience of being single moms, the details of our failed marriages, and the challenges that come with raising kids on your own. Flash forward nearly eight years, and we are both remarried and in blended families.

What struck me as we spoke about raising children in a blended family was my sense of belonging. I identified with what she said. It made me feel that what I've gone through myself is normal. I could see myself in the stories she shared. As she spoke, I felt heard in a way that only someone who has been in your shoes could understand. While some experiences she shared I couldn't identify with, it felt great to connect with someone who understands a piece of my life that not everyone can.

That sense of belonging is at the root of us all. We all want to be loved and cherished by those around us. When we feel rejected by others or that no one around understands our feelings, it's isolating.

I've been watching our youngest daughter struggle with wanting to feel like she belongs. It's the age she is. The life of a pre-teen girl can be pretty hard sometimes. Yesterday she and I went to speak with a counselor to figure out how we might start to turn things around for her. The advice from the counselor was simple. Find a group setting for her to share her feelings. A place where she can feel she's not alone.

The experience of writing this blog has given me that. It's created the opportunity for others to share with me as well. I have come to understand what a wonderful community there is around me by sharing what I've gone through. As others see themselves in what I've experienced, they share with me, and I have a greater sense of belonging. In this case, belonging in the role as a stepmother and what that all means for me.

It's the same in a blended family. Everyone wants to feel they are a valued member of the family. Everyone wants to feel heard. Everyone wants to feel like they belong. As you share as a family and express your feelings about your experiences, hopefully, everyone does feel they belong.

Shannon, The Herdmother