THEY GROW UP FAST BUT THEY’RE STILL OUR KIDS

There comes a time in a child's life when they want to hold more responsibility for their actions.

They start to understand their actions have consequences.

The age children begin to understand this is different for every child.

Social, intellectual, and emotional maturity all play a role.

Some kids think they’re ready, but their actions demonstrate they aren’t.

We’ve got every sort of personality on our hands with our four girls.

Tori- old beyond her years and is more responsible and mature at 13 than some kids at 20.

Camryn- Child-like in her disposition but disciplined and focused. She welcomes responsibility with vigor.

Morgan - Aging rapidly and no longer young and innocent but maturing beautifully although, not a big fan of responsibility.

Evynne- Loves being independent and thinks she’s got it all together, but there's no chance she can be responsible for herself at this age and stage.

And that’s where the art of finessing your children comes in. I look at parenting like a management role. If you’re having a good day managing, you remember all of your kids' idiosyncrasies. You’re careful not to annoy the one who doesn’t want guidance, and you’re subtle enough when lending a hand to the one who needs it but doesn’t want it. Everything flows. It seems you couldn’t make a bad decision that day.

When you’re having a bad day at the ‘office’ everything is out of sync. You’re feeling impatient, and don’t hesitate to ask one kid to brush her hair for the third time. And you forget to pause a moment to give another child some extra care and attention. It happens. There are so many quick decisions we make in a day. With parenting comes a wealth of responsibility, and at times it feels overwhelming.

I think as moms, we hold ourselves to the highest standards. We want to make the best decisions for our kids. We want to be the perfect parent every child needs us to be. But you know what? That’s impossible. The sooner you realize, as a mom, you’re never going to be perfect, and you’re going to make mistakes, the better off it is for everyone. Kids don’t want us to be perfect. That makes it harder for them to feel free to make their own mistakes.

I used to try to cover up my off days. The days when everything is out of sync. But kids need to see life isn’t always going to be perfect. Some decisions you make might not be the best choice in the end. Understanding it’s ok to make mistakes allows kids to start making more of their own choices and to take on more responsibility for who they are in the world.

Don’t get me wrong, one thing I’ve struggled with is allowing them to start making big decisions for themselves, but that’s part of managing yourself and evolving as a parent. As I watch these young women grow and mature, I couldn't be a more proud mom or stepmom.

Shannon, The Herdmother