THEY ONLY TEASE YOU IF THEY LIKE YOU

In our family, there's a fair bit of teasing. I'll admit most of it stems from me. C'mon... I'm a father of four girls, what do you expect? Each one of them responds to it differently, depending on the mood, type of day they've had, current events, and so on. I'm confident that I'm not the only Dad-of-Daughters or parent for that matter that does it.

In a way, I suppose it's my tough-love approach at toughening them up a little. For the most part, they laugh it off or acknowledge it with a roll of the eyes or some smart, witty response. And that's good because if I'm willing to dish it out, I'd better be willing to take it.

My wife isn't off-limits either. And she is more than willing to let me know if and when I've crossed a line. To be fair, old jokes die fast. You have to keep it fresh to keep it a tease.

Some people just hate being teased. To them, they feel they're being criticized in some way. Generally, we tease people about something that could be construed as a fault or flaw, therefore appearing to carry a degree of negative criticism with it. It might be the way they dress, their goofy mannerisms, or the way they go on and on about a particular topic. Sometimes, a positive even appears as a negative when we poke fun at someone for being predictably efficient or impeccably perfect.

To me, that's what teasing is. The act of gently making fun of someone about a trait that is particularly associated with them. We dress it up jokingly as a negative to make it humorous.

No doubt, there is a line that crosses into bullying; another way of making fun of someone and bringing attention to perceived flaws. The difference between teasing and bullying is this.

People bully to make the person on the receiving end feel uncomfortable. It's done in a way that's intentional in making the person not feel good. However, teasing is an affectionate action, and we only tease people that we like, don't we? The intention is to bring the teaser and the teased together by sharing laughter, or at the very least humor. It's done to create a positive, feel-good moment. Take a moment to think about the people that you tease. Don't act like you don't because you know that you do. Family, friends, co-workers; we don't tease people we dislike. Teasing is affectionate and reserved for those we feel affection for.

I have known many individuals that didn't like being teased. That's their choice, and it's a choice to be respected. But once some grasp the fact and recognize it as a gesture of affection, being teased suddenly becomes a positive. And because we like the people that we tease, we don't use teasing to highlight genuine failings. We would never want that person to believe that we meant what we were actually saying. Teasing highlights idiosyncrasies, while serious topics deserve one-on-one conversations. I wouldn't tease a co-worker about showing up for work hung-over every day. I'd have a genuine conversation out of concern.

I'm 46 years old, and to this day, my father still teases me about my love of trains. He's a car nut. A living, breathing encyclopedia of automotive knowledge. So much so that he became a teacher of the trade. Having a passion for trains and the railroad industry I'm sure has caused my dad a time or two to scratch his head and wonder where it came from.

But I can remember the times when my father was my biggest supporter. The times he went to pick up supplies and tools for his class and took me along just so I could sit trackside and watch the trains pass. It was one of these times that resulted in my first ride in a locomotive. He was as proud as I was happy at that moment. Or the time he found out about a large model railroad show and drove me to it unannounced and let me take it all in until I was the last one to leave. There were hundreds of dollars in gas spent and wasted to take a different way to a destination or home in the hopes that there might just be a train spotted along the way.

When I was younger I thought my dad was a bully for teasing me for what I genuinely enjoyed. But his efforts in allowing the opportunity for me to enjoy it proved he wasn't a bully at all. He teased me because he liked me. He supported me because he loved me.

And that's how it is with my girls. They all have their little traits and passions, and at times I tease them for it. But I also love them for it and would do nothing that would jeopardize taking that away. I tease them because I like them, and I support them because I love them. Inadvertently, on occasion, I'm going to strike a raw nerve about a certain trait or subject. It's ok for them to express their desire not to be teased, and because I hold them in affection, I'm more than happy to accede.

Live, Laugh and Love,

Mike - The Herdfather