WHEN SHOPPING GOES FROM BORING TO BONDING
As I mentioned last week, my bio kids are away. On Wednesday, Mike took Morgan to Jasper for some dad/daughter time, leaving Tori and me alone. After work, I had planned to take her shopping, pick up some dinner, and then home for a movie.
Now I have to tell you clothes shopping is something I don't enjoy. Perhaps if I had an unlimited budget, I might take more pleasure in the exercise, but I'm not one to run to the mall on a rainy day.
Over the years, I've shared an experience I had with my brother when I was about thirteen. Even then, I wasn't much of a shopper, but it's something my brother has always enjoyed. While in a store that didn't carry underwear, my brother asked the clerk if they stocked any large women's underwear. He was making a gesture with his hands, suggesting large as being about 2ft wide. I don't know why this memory sticks out so significantly for me. My brother was always doing goofy stuff or tried to embarrass me when he could. Then as I was shopping with Tori and sharing the story about my brother, I realized the story had nothing to do with the embarrassing tale. I was sharing a story that was really about my brother and me bonding.
When I take my bio kids shopping, it feels like an exercise. Camryn is like me and doesn't enjoy the experience. She wants to get in and get out. Evynne wants to try everything on and could spend days in the mall. Taking Tori shopping felt like a whole new experience. It was less about what we were doing but more about appreciating the one-on-one time.
For as long as I can remember, my mom has had shopping dates with her best friend. It seemed to me there was a schedule to these events even. Like the last Friday of each quarter? To know my mother and her best friend, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a spreadsheet with shopping dates carefully penciled in.
Sometimes as my mom would announce an upcoming shopping date, I remember thinking: what kind of clothes do you need? I didn't realize then it had nothing to do with the shopping. Occasionally she would come home empty-handed. It seemed like such a waste to me. They spent all that time, and nothing got accomplished. Little did I know then that neither cared if they were successful in their pursuits, but spending the time together was really what the day was about.
Tori and I could have done anything Wednesday evening. It didn't have to be shopping, but I did enjoy myself, and she did find some clothes. It was a win, win this time. And next time I'm shopping with my bio kids, I'll remember to appreciate the experience a little more.
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