WHY GET MARRIED?
As we approach our anniversary this weekend; (we met and married November 27th, one year after the other) I find myself reflecting on marriage.
If you’d asked me seven years ago if I saw myself getting married again, the answer would have been a firm no. I was with my children‘s father for nearly eleven years but married for only six of them. Life was mine after our divorce, and I enjoyed being a single mom. Marriage was something I had come to accept as not for me.
When Mike and I met, I’d been on some pretty bad dates right before. I didn’t expect much out of a date with someone I met on Tinder (in case you’re not familiar with our story- yes, we met on Tinder). My reason for going and meeting him was because he had kids (oh and I did think he was pretty handsome).
The few people I dated when single either didn’t have kids or their kids were grown. What I’d realized when I was with these men was my life wouldn’t fit into theirs. I never introduced my kids because these men weren’t worthy.
Mike was unexpected. I thought I knew the type of guy I was going to meet. From the moment he sat down (I got there first) he surprised me. He was nothing like I was expecting.
Over the next few months and, as our love grew, we spoke about getting married. But why marriage? Why did we feel the need/desire to get married?
For me, it had a lot to do with my children. My girls were very young when their father and I split. They have no memory of us together. While we were doing fine on our own, just the three of us, the idea of having a home with a mother and a father for my children became more appealing as I fell more in love.
It was obvious to me when Mike and I met that he had a huge heart. Big enough for my girls to have a slice. If Mike hadn’t been so open to love my girls, I’m not sure I would have chosen marriage.
Marriage has more permanence than just dating someone. Sure getting divorced happens often enough to make it seem easy but, divorce takes a lot- out of everyone. Once you’ve been down that road, you don’t want to travel it again.
For me, marriage offered stability and structure to our partnership. It allowed my kids the chance to settle into the relationship with more confidence. If Mike had remained my boyfriend, I’m not sure my kids would be calling him Dad today. Who knows? A step-parent is a hard role to take on. I think the role would be harder if there was no marriage to support you. If the kids have been through a few relationships before you arrived, do they believe this relationship won’t end like the others? Will they be open to bonding with your new partner if they anticipate the relationship will end? Marriage is a big step to take. Kids recognize this and, when they experience it with you, they become a part of it as well.
Getting re-married was the right choice for my girls and me. Do you have a blended family that’s come together through marriage? Do you think being married has improved your family connection or, does it matter? We’d love to hear from you!
Shannon, The Herdmother
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