YOU'RE MY SIBLING, BUT DO I HAVE TO LIKE YOU?

I grew up with a brother. It seemed from the beginning that we clashed. I can remember times when we got along, but as the years went on, I became a target for whatever annoyance he was feeling. I do admit I wasn't innocent either. We did grow out of that in our later teens and became friends, but there were years when it felt like we would never get along.

When I was older and thought about having children, I never imagined having just one. I saw the value of a sibling and knew if I had one, I would have two. I imagined them being best friends. I'm not sure why I had this vision since it wasn't what I grew up with, but I suppose that was the idealistic side of me. I never thought, "what if they don't get along?"

Well, I did have two children, and that was multiplied by two when I got re-married. But my biological children are anything but best friends. The age difference between them is 30 months. Or 2.5years. In school, they're separated by two grades. My brother and I are 19 months apart, but we're also two grades apart. I always liked it that way because I knew who my brother's friends were. We went to the same schools for Elementary, Junior High, and High School. I had thought my girls might do the same. Little did I know, when my oldest, Camryn, left Elementary, that would be the last time they were together in the same school.

My youngest, Evynne, hits Junior High next year, and she has chosen a different school from the one her sister goes to. I fully support her choice, but I'm a little sad the girls won't be together again. Since they don't always see eye to eye, I had thought if they were back in the same school again, it might give them something in common. They could discuss teachers they both have etc. Without that thread of connection, would they grow even further apart?

Who knows? But, what I've learned is that you can't force a connection no matter what. Of course, you'll always be connected to your sibling because of the years you've shared. You'll never forget the years spent building the foundation of that relationship.

Last night as I said goodnight, my girls were headed to the basement to practise dancing. Dance is something they currently have in common. Competitions are coming up so they are diligent about 'cleaning their routines'. It made me realize they don't have to be in the same school. Whatever commonality they have in their lives will connect them. And as they get older; and they aren't in the same school; and they don't know each other's friends; they just might enjoy sharing with the other. I reminded myself that people do grow, and people can change.

Do you have kids that aren't the best of friends? Is that more the norm than not? I have always admired the relationship between my step-daughters. They were close when I met them, and they have remained so. I wondered if it was because they're Irish twins, only 10.5 months apart? Regardless, they have a special connection. It's times like last night, I see a spark of this between my girls.

What I've observed with my friends with sisters is; they have a best friend for life. I didn't grow up with a sister. I've often envied those relationships. With four daughters, each having 3 sisters, I hope they do find lifelong friends in their siblings.

Shannon, The Herdmother